the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
