I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
