Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
