cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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