I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
