you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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