Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
