ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
