I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am naked and annoyed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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