dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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