her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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