May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
