Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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