my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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