I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
