just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
this hospital has no fireball
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
