cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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