yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
