i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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