i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
