he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
