I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
