So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
