you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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