like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
