i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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