Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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