3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
