Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
