It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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