The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
