When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
