yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
