The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
