My nipple is on Facebook.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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