my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
