the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
