its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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