toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
