He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
