Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
