Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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