I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
