I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
