He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
