I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
