Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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