the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
