i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize