he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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