I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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