Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
