i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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