I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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