Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize