You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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