Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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