btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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