K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize