Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
