she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
