my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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