Can Purell be used as lube?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
