I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
