I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
