If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
