if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
