god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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