smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
