Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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