I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is classic penis vs brain.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
