hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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