Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
