Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
