they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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