she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
