It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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