I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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