Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
