it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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