sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
