Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
