i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
