we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
