Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
