what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
