Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
