he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
