Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
