She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
