i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
