Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
