I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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