Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize