I heard we made out
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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